


Whiterun's New Guardsman

by Captain_Savvy, SnippetsRUs



Series: The Stormcrown Prophecy [4]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins - Awakening, Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: AU, Alfiq, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Dragon Age/Elder Scrolls, Flea bath, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Khajiit (Elder Scrolls), Male Bonding, Male Friendship, Man humor, Other, Skyrim - Freeform, Sweet rolls, Toe Beans (OC), Whiterun (Elder Scrolls), broments, cat dad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23312137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Savvy/pseuds/Captain_Savvy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnippetsRUs/pseuds/SnippetsRUs
Summary: Settling into a Nordic city proves more of a challenge than Jodar-Ri expected. While the Thalmor remain none the wiser to his whereabouts, he now has to combat other pests, all the while trying to get used to Skyrim's un-sweetened cuisine. How will our heroic alfiq handle the many curiosities of Whiterun? Read and find out.
Series: The Stormcrown Prophecy [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1628665
Comments: 11
Kudos: 19





	Whiterun's New Guardsman

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [New Friends](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23270899) by [Captain_Savvy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Savvy/pseuds/Captain_Savvy). 



> This is a collection of fluff pieces written by SnippetsRUs and Captain_Savvy. They showcase minor domestic scenes in Whiterun between our alfiq character, Jodar-Ri, and Alek, our Elder Scrolls version of Alistair Theirin from the Dragon Age universe. Other characters from earlier installments of **The Stormcrown Prophecy** may appear or get a mention.

“Which one of you frost-blooded meadheads brought a bloody _cat_ into the barracks?” Commander Caius' voice boomed loudly, violently pulling Alek out of his dream about a fierce, brown-eyed warrior woman who was about to slay the dragon that had kidnapped him and made him wear a dress. His eyes opened and he made various noises that were subdued by the amount of spit in his mouth. He tried to let out a frustrated growl, but it came out as a groan instead. In the end he simply rolled out of bed. He landed on the floor with all the grace of a horker in heat.

Not that he was an expert on horkers and their mating habits.

Getting up on his feet, he checked himself and found he still wore pants. That was all the relief he was allowed before the commander's voice dragged him back to the present situation. Especially when a familiar, furry creature came to hide behind him.

“Alek, explain yourself!” Caius was practically boring holes into the Nord's skull with his glare. Some guards stared, others snickered and the rest waited with bated breath.

“Yes sir,” Alek began, scouring his brain for something that would convince his superior officer to let the cat stay. He noticed Vidkunnr leaning up against the wall behind the commander, his arms crossed and a look of righteous satisfaction on his face. Or self-righteous, rather. That man was always the first to lick Caius' boots, a bigger stickler for rigid and unforgiving rules than Nazeem was for handing out insults. “I found him being chased by one of Anoriath's dogs. I then chased the dog away. The cat wasn't feral, in fact he proved quite friendly, so I decided to take him in.” He met his commander's gaze, doing his best not to swallow visibly.

“Did it occur to you that he might have fleas?” Caius argued. “Or that he'd bring disease?”

It hadn't, but fearing that his new friend would be tossed back out into the streets if he told the truth, Alek opted to bluff. “Yes sir, but Heimskr was done for the day and the temple of Kynareth closed. I-I-I'd be happy to take Toe Beans to Danica Pure-Spring if it means a healthy barracks. Sir.”

“You'll do no such thing!” The commander's eyes flashed dangerously, making Alek fear he'd be put on jail duty again. Dangerous inmates, boring most of the time, having nothing to do but stare at the walls, and then there was the pervasive smell of sweat and other bodily odours. Though it was nice when the occasional street urchin stopped by to beg for a sweet roll. Provided he was alone to hand them out. “You slept with that fleabag! You're going to scrub down the entire barracks to make sure it's clean. After that, you'll be taking a thorough flea bath, and then it's the cat's turn!”

Snickers sounded from the other guards, but Caius' glare rendered them all silent.

“The same goes for all of you,” the commander barked. “Flea baths for every single one of you, after which half of you will join Alek in scrubbing down this place, and the other half will make a proper cat bed and get two bowls, one for cat food and the other for cat drink. If we're going to have a skeever-hunting, pest-slaying feline among us, then he's going to have the same rights as any guardsman.” Vidkunnr's face fell, suggesting he'd expected a very different outcome. Caius wasn't finished, however. “And get him a cat box.”

A low hiss sounded from behind Alek's ankles.

“He does his business outside sir,” the Nord helpfully translated.

The commander's stern countenance eased up ever-so-slightly. “Vidkunnr, once you're done with your flea bath, get the carpenter to make a little cat door.”

A look of objection came to the bootlicker's face. “But sir, I was nowhere near that thing!”

“Neither was I,” the commander shot back, “but I'm taking my bath as well. Damned fleas jump all over the place when they get the chance. Now get to it, and fetch anyone else who was in here while Toe Beans used Alek as a bed, and have them bring basins, soaps and oils, the latter two from Arcadia's Cauldron!”

Vidkunnr disappeared out the door so fast it was as though he had Maven Black-Briar on his tail.

“Toe Beans, sir?” Alek was somewhat surprised to hear Caius take to the feline's name so soon.

“That's his name, isn't it?” Then the commander's gaze went to the cat. “You had a good idea, Alek, but you didn't think it entirely through. Next time let me know before you bring in another furry recruit.”

“Yes sir!” Alek fought hard not to smile. He and some guards then set to work pulling away blankets and pillows from the beds, while the rest got a fire started outside. They then placed a large cauldron over said fire and set to work filling it with water. While the guards went nowhere near Toe Beans, the cat darted under every bed he could, hissing at anyone within immediate vicinity.

Caius noticed the feline's reluctance. “Alek, see if you can sweet-talk the cat into letting you bathe him.”

“Yes sir,” the Nord replied, though he had a feeling it would be easier said than done.

* * *

Jodar-Ri had never been so insulted in his life. Fleas! How dared that furless muttonhead of a commander even suggest such a thing? Why, he was of the finest furstock out of Elsweyr, always meticulous in cleaning himself. Other khajiit were jealous of Jodar-Ri's fur! When he wasn't losing it due to stress, of course.

The fact that he'd grown itchy and somewhat lethargic since leaving Nezdal's caravan behind was besides the point.

He slinked farther and farther back under the last bed, until he felt a cold stone wall behind him. Alek's footsteps approached steadily, and then the man leaned down until his face appeared in front of the alfiq. Jodar-Ri let out a low half-growl as a warning, his mouth closed. He didn't want to hurt his new friend, but he _hated_ taking a bath. Zavrian hadn't even given him a choice in the matter back in Rimmen, and the memory of that still haunted him now, many months later.

“I know,” Alek said, not even trying to reach for the khajiit, “I hate flea baths too. Back when I was young, I lived near the stables, and fleas _love_ horses. My old man made me bathe _with_ them, can you imagine? Scrubbing down several adult horses, all the while trying not to get bitten or stomped on? Scary stuff. Then there was the stable cat, of course. He hated me, scratched me up any time he could, even when I was trying to feed him. Forget bathing him, and his fur was _much_ longer than yours. I'm sure you can only imagine how many fleas were on him.

“Of course, it wasn't until I was twelve that I learned Arcadia had some useful oils to help _deter_ fleas,” Alek went on. “I used all my savings on those, and I rubbed down all the horses and even that ungrateful furbag. We were never bothered by the pesky little buggers again. It didn't even smell bad, which is more than I can say for the oils and soap we use for the baths.” He shot Jodar-Ri a sheepish smile. “I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to bathe only once. I can get those oils from Arcadia, and you'll never have to worry about them again.”

The alfiq's growls lessened in volume, though he still remained where he was, tail between his legs and his ears flat against his head. It didn't sound so bad now, but a part of him was still vehemently against it. Especially if Alek bathed him in front of all the other guards and they laughed at him. Jodar-Ri wouldn't be able to handle that. His new life in Skyrim was stressful enough without him being mocked on top of it.

“You know, I managed to bathe that daedric son-of-Molag-Bal cat too,” Alek went on, “so I know what I'll be doing. You have my word I'll be very careful on your head and around your eyes. You'll be as clean as can be, free of anything that would ruin your health and friendly kitty disposition. It will be like the royal treatment.”

Jodar-Ri's ears perked up against his better judgement and his growling ceased.

“We don't have to bathe with the others either, if you'd like some privacy,” Alek offered. “I'll even get us a sweet roll afterwards, to celebrate.” His smile became hopeful. “How about it?” He placed his hand, palm up, for the alfiq to take, but he didn't move it closer. This was a show of good faith between them. Alek wanted to be his friend, of this Jodar-Ri was certain. That meant he had good intentions, even if flea baths sounded absolutely horrible. Jodar-Ri used special oils back home in Elsweyr, but he couldn't do that here if he wanted to maintain his “cat” disguise. Forget spellcasting, as that would certainly draw the attention of the priests and the jarl's court wizard.

If he wanted to remain undetected by the Thalmor, he would have to trust in what friends he had.

Jodar-Ri placed a paw in Alek's hand, and then another. He slowly moved forward until his belly rested against the human's large hand. Then Alek, grasping him with a surprising level of gentleness, slowly pulled him out from underneath the bed. The man then lifted him up, placed one hand under the alfiq's back and cradled him like a baby.

A friendly smile was plastered all over his face. “There, that wasn't so bad now, was it?”

Jodar-Ri's tail swished around a bit in friendly curiosity, though he remained apprehensive about the bath.

His prejudices were proven right. While the guards took their soaks first, all of them smelling horrible as a result, it did little to comfort the alfiq when it was his turn. Alek held him firmly as he soaped his neck, and the water was warm, at least, and he stayed good on his promise to grant him privacy. Unfortunately, none of that took away from the dreadful feeling of wet fur. It stuck to his body, felt horribly unnatural and gave him a sense of being filthy. Not at all like the pleasant sensation he got from cleaning himself.

He couldn't fight back some meows, but to Aleks' credit, he offered sympathetic lines of “I know” and promises that it would soon be over. Jodar-Ri trusted him, and so he did his best to sit still in Alek's hands.

Then came the stinky flea-killer oil.

Jodar-Ri didn't know what it smelled like to humans, but to his keen scent it was like sniffing a pile of elephant's dung. His ears immediately flattened and he meowed in protest.

“I know,” Alek said sympathetically, “I've met horses that smelled better. I know, I know. Don't worry, it will all be over soon.”

_Easy for him to say_ , the alfiq thought darkly as the oil was applied to him. It would take _days_ to get the smell out of his fur, and it did nothing to encourage self-grooming.

That sweet roll had better be tasty.

The sharp smell of the soap that the guards used to clean the barracks mixed with the oil scent and created an almost nauseating stench. Jodar-Ri coughed and sneezed, Alek's scrubbing and massaging doing little to stop the vomit. Throw up the khajiit did, the smells too much for his sensitive nose. Fortunately the wash basin caught it, but Alek made some loud noises. Jodar-Ri coughed some more, but due to his need for a disguise, was unable to explain himself.

Some of the other guards laughed, though judging from Alek's response, it seemed to be at the human's expense rather than the alfiq's. That helped Jodar-Ri feel a little bit better, though his stomach still churned.

“It's probably the strong smells in here,” Caius reasoned, communicating what Jodar-Ri couldn't. “The air can get pretty tight. Open the doors and let in some fresh air!”

“Yes sir!” Some unknown guard responded. Soon enough he heard the front door and back door open. The commander then barked orders to another guard to get clean water for Alek. Meanwhile the Nord resumed massaging the alfiq.

“I'm sorry, little fellow,” Alek said, his tone apologetic. “I should have remembered how keen a cat's nose is. Everyone keeps bragging about dogs, but that doesn't make you felines any less capable. Don't worry, once the new water is here, it will be time for your first rinse. After that I'll clean your head, then it's time for the final rinse.”

By the moons, he couldn't wait!

The rinsing part was still unpleasant, but he endured it, as well as the icky oil on his head and subsequent rinse. Alek was gentle and careful, and he used only clean water. Once done, Jodar-Ri was wrapped up in a clean blanket and patted dry, another thing the Sword-friend was meticulous about. He felt utterly miserable, his fur sticking out in bundles and making him look hideous. A couple of guards shot him mocking smirks, but a barked order from Caius and a glare from Alek had them scurrying to “finish the damned cleaning job”.

Being cradled by Alek a second time helped him feel a little bit better. With the strongest smells now mellowed down thanks to the fresh air, the alfiq's stomach had settled. Then the blanket was removed and he was rubbed thoroughly by that amazing oil Alek had talked about.

As promised, it smelled a hundred times better than the other one.

* * *

“Thank you for not scratching me,” Alek said as he carried Toe Beans to his now clean bed. He then placed the cat down and went looking for a bucket. His clothes had gone into the cauldron as well, so he wore some spare ones. None of the buckets were available, however.

“Go buy that sweet roll, soldier,” Caius ordered. “Toe Beans has earned it.”

“Yes sir!” Alek had never been more glad to obey an order.

“Get us all sweet rolls,” one of the guards tried.

“Not a chance!” Alek walked out of the barracks with a resounding choir of disappointment in his wake.

As always, Hulda at the Bannered Mare delivered. He got another bottle of cream while he was at it, and he stopped by Belethor's general goods for something to add to Toe Beans' cat bed. A blue and yellow cotton handkerchief caught his attention. It was small, but might help his furry friend stay warm in winter. As was typical for the Breton merchant, Belethor demanded an exorbitant price, and Alek was stuck haggling for a good ten minutes. He managed to get the scarf for half the price, though not without the shopkeeper tossing a highly bitter “have a nice day” after him.

This was why Belethor didn't have many friends.

Toe Beans' ears were perked and his tail high when Alek returned. The man greeted the cat with a smile, ignored the complaints from the other guards about him getting only one sweet roll, and sat down on the bed with his new friend. A quarter of the sweet roll was torn into smaller pieces and put into Toe Beans' new food bowl, he poured cream into the other one and then he placed the small cloth next to the cat. Toe Beans sent it a confused look before biting down on the sweet roll pieces. Alek helped himself to the rest.

Meanwhile, the other guards finished cleaning, their daily duty only slightly interrupted.


End file.
